One thing that I learnt back in February when I ran my Valentine’s Day competition, was that the world needs my help. There were plenty of ladies who had committed crimes against lounge wear, wearing comfortable but truly hideous ensembles. One of the main lounge crimes in my opinion, is ‘The Onesie’. I just don’t get them.
A worthy contender in the competition I ran was Chavonne pictured above. She said she loves her onesie because it’s warm and snugly, but her boyfriend is less keen and going to the toilet is a little inconvenient. The saving grace was that a) she looks happy, and if it makes her happy then who am I to say it was a crime against lounge wear! and b) it is a nice bright shade of pink. And I saw worse lounge crimes than this.
People have also told me that their onesie has changed their life for the better. So I set out to try and justify this garment to myself. What is it with the obsession of people wearing onesies? Why would a fully grown adult want to look like a baby? Why would you want to wrestle with your outfit just to go to the toilet? And it seems that it’s not a thing that only women enjoy. The male onesie is also a phenomenon recently. These are just some of the questions that I have been asking myself over the past year.
I know, I know, you will all be screaming at your computer screen “oh but they’re so warm/comfortable”, and not to mention you can pick a onesie up for only a few £’s. But if I wanted to be warm and comfortable, one could argue that the Rita Siren Suit I sell fits the bill perfectly.
Seeeeeee look how elegant and awesome my model Fleur looks in the Aubergine Rita Siren Suit! This stretch velvet suit is lined with a super soft jersey to keep you extra snugly warm, and the stretchy nature of the fabric means that it expands as you eat food, perfect! I know that the price tag is admittedly a little higher than the likes of say a ‘Primark’ onesie, but this suit is hand crafted by an adult right here in the UK. So why would you want to take the food out of the mouth of a British based family and put it into the deep pockets of the CEO of some mega huge chain company (who probably doesn’t pay their taxes)?!?! Shame on you!!! Nip on over to my website and treat yourself to a beautiful lil set that will last you more than one wash.
Anyway I digress. Onesies are on my hit list (along with sweat pants, hoodies and plain T-Shirts) because they do not make the wearer feel like a glamorous movie star from 1945………….or do they? Contrary to my belief that onesies are the advent of the lounge wear devil, I have actually found not one, but three examples of when onesies can be worn in an alluring way.
Example number one:
Ahhh Ms Monroe, even in ‘the ugliest clothing known to man kind’, you still look radiant and alluring. In the olden days, onesies were of course better known as ‘Long Johns’. Instead of a vomit inducing garment, they were (and indeed still are) a practical item of clothing to keep one warm whilst perhaps on the ski slopes. I think Marilyn would look good in anything – even a sack! So perhaps not a very good example of a glamorous onesie, but an example none the less. Us mere mortals perhaps would not match up to this picture, so I refer you once again to The Rita Siren Suit.
Examples number two and three:
Not one but two Hollywood Starlets in all in onesie outfits! This is a still from a you tube video that someone sent my Mum of Rita Hayworth dancing to Stayin’ Alive by the BeeGees. Made me giggle a lot! So I urge you to go and watch it.
Of course it helps to have matching fluffy slippers, perfectly set hair and killer curves to make this ensemble acceptable.
I haven’t actually seen the film that these stills are from, but I believe it is from ‘Tonight and Every Night’. But I want to see it now, just for these onesies! Again, they look more like long johns than what we know as a onesie, so technically they can’t really be referred to as a onesie.
During researching this blog post, I asked my friends their opinions on the dreaded onesie. I was reminded by my knitting friend, Ellen, that actually the ‘Siren Suit’ is a onesie. Not my Rita suit, but the original Siren Suits of WWII.
Again it helps to have perfectly set hair, and a full face of make up. Not to mention the perfect hourglass figure. But I have to admit I do rather fancy an all in one siren suit. Perhaps I should do a version like the Rita Jacket and Slacks, but an all in one? It may be quite pricey, but I would make it truly decadent and glam.
So have I changed my mind with my aversion to onesies? Well sort of if it were done right, I keep changing my mind. Marilyn, Rita and Janet have done them justice, but honestly how many of us are going to look like them on a Sunday morning with a hangover and no make up on?!?! For one thing, these above examples are long johns, finishing just at the knee. Modern onesies are full legged. They are also glorious pastel shades making them very feminine. No word of a lie, I have seen camouflage onsies from the modern versions; not very feminine. Also the fluffy slippers really make the outfit. And lastly the fact that some of the most beautiful women in the world are inside these onesies, sort of counts them out as a viable outfit choice because us mere average Joe’s ain’t gonna look that good in them (without A LOT of make up, primping preening and flattering lighting, not to mention photoshop). So I will finish this post with this sentiment:
STEP AWAY FROM THE ONESIES PEOPLE
You have no excuses when I have a stock room full of Bettie Robes and Rita Siren Suits (or Tempest Sets for those in warmer climates). Go and treat yourself ! And who knows, just as I have re invented the sweat pants and hoodie set in the Rita Set, I may re invent the onesie to have a decadent and glamorous slant on it.
Lots of Love
P.S. My sister has a reindeer onesie and two matching outfits for her dogs. AMAZING!
This is only an acceptable wearing of a onesie because they all match……………too cool for school!